you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
