he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
