thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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