My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
