I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
