At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
