White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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