You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
