last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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