i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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