just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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