Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
