And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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