you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
