Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
