I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
