i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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