A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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