I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
