I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
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I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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