Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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