why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
