hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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