Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
