shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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