four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
