Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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