i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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