You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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