You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
