come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
