So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ketchup is God's man juice
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
