Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
