She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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