My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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