I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
