The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
