Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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