Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
