so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
