you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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