i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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