Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
