i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Randomize
