So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
