If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
