This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
