New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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