you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
