There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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