I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
