my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
