What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
