I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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