Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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