I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
