so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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