Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
