I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
