It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
