girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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