It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
