you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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