he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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