btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
