i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
