I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
