My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
