I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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