Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
