he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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