Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
