She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
