her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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