Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
