'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
