i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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