I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
